


Lean on Me

by sebastian2017



Series: Hawkdevil [4]
Category: Daredevil (Comics), Daredevil (TV), Hawkeye (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canon Disabled Character, Hurt Matt Murdock, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Matt Murdock Needs a Hug, Matt loses his hearing, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:48:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22772032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sebastian2017/pseuds/sebastian2017
Summary: Matt loses his hearing from a battle injury. Clint is there to help him get through it.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Matt Murdock
Series: Hawkdevil [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1614460
Comments: 2
Kudos: 155





	Lean on Me

**Author's Note:**

> cw: hospitals, Matt loses most of his contact with the world

Superhero boyfriends. It's a great idea, that would probably be incredibly popular among the stories children read or some of the big blockbuster movies that seem to be becoming ever popular. Okay, so maybe it would only be a popular story with a bit of editing, particularly, editing one of them into a woman, but the idea at its core stands. Everyone loves a superhero power couple. How could they not? The very thought conjures up all sorts of exciting mental images, of fighting side by side and sexy stolen kisses amidst all the action while taking down some supervillain who is probably an ex-lover, or something equally ridiculous. 

In reality, it's far less sexy than that. Sure, Matt's relationship with Elektra had been a bit more like that, but he's starting to see that was an exception not a rule. Because dating Clint does not come with mid battle kisses or sneaking away to make love among the unconscious fallen bodies of whoever they've just defeated. When Matt fights side by side with the Avengers, no one can even tell the two of them are dating. Sure Matt and Clint still look out for each other to keep each other safe when an enemy is coming up on their blind spot - pardon the pun - but no more than they already do with their usual teammates. Matt and Clint were both perfectly clear about wanting to remain professional in the field. Getting distracted by feelings and passions like this was the perfect recipe for disaster and unnecessary casualties in the field. It also comes with the added benefit of their enemies not knowing about this new development in relationships, which is always a risk in creating weak spots to be exploited. It's the perfect arrangement and Matt is glad to see it work seamlessly every time they fight together. 

Until, of course, the day it doesn't. 

Their perfectly functional, very responsible arrangement all gets tossed out the window when Matt gets hurt in battle. Later, Matt will hear from everyone that Clint actually handled it better than they could have expected. He'd gone on a bit of a rampage, managing to take down all their remaining enemies with a few well placed ricocheting arrows and a ferocity that even Steve had been caught off guard by and within sixty seconds of Matt going down, the mission had been single handedly ended by Clint. Probably because Clint had then immediately gone to crouch by Matt, frantic in his worry. 

Matt can tell it's Clint by the familiar smell of his aftershave. It's the only reason he doesn't panic when he feels hands on him. He's not sure what he'd been hit with, or how hard, but he can't hear anything. It's like losing half his world. This must be what other people experience blindness as. Matt has some vague experience with it, from the last time he'd had his ears injured in a fight, but at least he'd been home and free from anyone else. It's worse this time, knowing that he's surrounded by Avengers and, perhaps, other enemies, but only having a vague idea where they are from scent. If Stick were here - a thought that often pops up in Matt's mind when things go awry - he'd probably say that Matt had it coming for not training his nose more sharply than this. 

He forces himself to breathe through the panic and try to make sense of the world around him without his ears. Once he calms down enough, he notices that Clint's hands on him aren't just holding onto him, but spelling things out on his palm. Matt's been making slow progress with sign language these last few weeks. Thank God for that. 

" _ Ok? _ " Clint's fingers spell out on his palm, over and over again until Matt finally responds. 

"I can't hear anything, Clint," Matt says. It's jarring to not hear his own voice and to only feel the vibrations in his throat, without everything else that should be accompanying it. "I can't hear." 

" _ U b ok,"  _ Clint spells out on him. " _ Can walk 2 jet?"  _

Matt feels shaky and unsure enough just sitting on the ground, and he's sure it would all feel ten times worse if he was standing up, but he doesn't want to deal with the humiliation of being carried, so he just nods. He'll make it somehow. Clint helps him to his feet and keeps his arms around Matt, strong and steady and far more soothing than Matt would have guessed it would be. He's sure the rest of the team is around here, as well, trailing close behind or around them as they retreat to the jet, but Matt has no sense of where they might be. Right now, his whole world is nothing but Clint. It would probably be romantic under any other circumstance. 

In these circumstances, though, there's nothing romantic about being stuck in this dark, quiet world. It's terrifying. Matt's supposed to be the man without fear, but right now, he's never been more scared in his life. He's gone through this before and it had all ended up just fine, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. A part of Matt wonders if it might be made worse by cumulative damage. It's a terrifying thought. Never mind that he has access to far better medical care this time than before. Logic is the last thing on Matt's mind as Clint guides him to the seat and straps him in. He's not sure what else is going on around them, but he's acutely aware when Clint steps away and his hands are off Matt once more. It's like the one thing grounding him at this moment is ripped away and Matt can't help it, a panicked noise escapes him and he can only hope it's not as loud as the vibrations feel in his throat. 

Half a second later, Clint's near him again. He keeps one hand on Matt's knee and the other on his palm to spell words out. " _ All ok. Had 2 strap in. Sorry. Ok?"  _

" _ Ok."  _ Matt spells back, paranoid of not being able to regulate his own volume control now. " _ Tower?"  _

_ "Yes. Dr. 2 check ur ears there,"  _ Clint assures him. 

Matt nods and then just sits there for the rest of the flight. He's in his little bubble, detached from the world except for Clint's hand in his. It's a terrible feeling. He can tell when they land by the jolt of the plane, but he has to wait for Clint to help him get up and lead him out and, presumably, back into the tower. Matt hates feeling helpless like this. Even with someone he trusts as wholeheartedly as Clint, Matt's never liked feeling like he has to rely on someone. 

He has a feeling Clint can sympathize somewhat, which is the only thing making this somewhat bearable. Clint helps him as little as possible, guiding him along the halls instead of trying to manhandle him there. It, at least, somewhat eases the frustration. 

From the smell of antiseptic, Matt can tell they've reached the medical area. Still, he appreciates when Clint stretches out his palm again and spells out on his palm, " _ In med. Dr here. All okay."  _

The next couple of hours are terrible, in their own special way. Clint tries to keep him up to date and explain everything that's happening, but he can only spell so fast and the doctors are insistent that they need to work quickly to avoid any lasting damage from delay. Even when the doctors can work slowly enough for Clint to explain what's going on before it happens, it just serves to draw the whole process out longer. Matt's always hated doctors and having it take longer, when he can't even hear, is a whole new type of torture. 

He tries to meditate while it all happens, but it's difficult to do while he's getting poked and prodded with needles and monitors. He focuses on Clint instead, hoping that might make it a bit easier. It helps, marginally. Once there's a lull in the doctors, Clint takes Matt's hand again spells out on his palm once more. 

" _ Done for 2nite. Should sleep,"  _ he suggests. 

Matt wants to sleep in his own bed, his own apartment, where at least he knows where everything is from sheer muscle memory and he has one less thing to worry about, but he knows there's no point. Even if he had it in him to argue, it would be far too frustrating, trying to get the point across when Matt can't even have a conversation properly. 

" _ Will u stay?"  _ Matt asks, because that's worth the effort. 

Clint doesn't need to answer. He just climbs up on the bed with Matt and that's really all the answer Matt needs. He's still not happy, he's frustrated and scared of what might happen, but he's exhausted. His body is exhausted from the fight and his soul is exhausted from everything that had happened after the fight. Matt's not sure how he feels about any of this and he wishes it was a problem he could just punch in the face until it goes away, but since he can't, at least Clint is here to keep him company. 

It’s not a restful night of sleep. No surprise there. Ironically enough, being in a world of silence and darkness doesn’t make it any easier to fall asleep. Matt had to work even harder to calm himself and ease the paranoia he has that someone will take advantage of his weakness and sneak up in him. He’s in the most securely guarded building in the world with a full team of Avengers and Clint in the same bed as him. He’s as safe as anyone could possibly be.

Still, his dreams are plagued with every enemy he’s ever fought and though he can still hear and use his radar sense in his dream, it’s like being outside his body and completely unable to react. He gets struck down over and over by the Hand, Wilson Fisk, Bullseye, even Stiltman takes a shot at him in his dream. It’s everything Matt is sure is happening to him in real life. When he wakes up, Matt feels just as exhausted as when he’d fallen asleep, soaked through in his sweat and panting so loud it echoes in his ears uncomfortably.

Wait.

He can hear himself. Matt stills his breaths slightly and reaches his hand up to snap his fingers and check whether he can really hear it or if he’s just imagining things. If perhaps his desperate brain is supplying what he knows things are supposed to sound like so he’ll feel less terrible about himself. But no. He can hear it. And he can hear the quiet electric hum of the machinery and Clint’s breathing next to him. Everything’s a bit distant and muffled, not as sharp as it usually is, but it’s something. 

Matt nearly cries at the sheer joy he’s feeling right now. He shakes Clint awake and waits impatiently as he gets his hearing aids back on. As soon as he hears them turned on, Matt explains, “I can hear again! The world is coming back.”

“Thank God. You gave us a scare, Matt.” Clint slaps his shoulder to chastise him, though it’s half hearted. “Don’t do it again.”

“I’ll beg forgiveness at my next confession and do my best not to repeat it,” Matt chuckles, rubbing his shoulder. 

“Good.” Clint leans forward to give him a kiss and Matt only resists the urge to climb on top of him by reminding himself that they’re still in the Avengers medbay. “The doctors said it would probably be temporary, but I didn’t wanna get your hopes up. Just in case.”

“Well.... Once I feel completely better, I’ll probably yell at you for keeping me in the dark about anything regarding my health. But for now, I think I’ll just be happy it’s back. Thank you for staying with me,” Matt says. He grabs one of Clint’s hands and gives it a loving squeeze.

“Aww, of course, Matt. I’ll never leave you. Not as long as you’ll have me,” he promises.

And for once in his life, Matt actually lets himself believe that someone will stick around. And it’s the best feeling his heart has had in a long time. 


End file.
